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Jane was a first time contestant on a $65,000 quiz show. Lady Luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.

Jane agreed to return the following day. She was nervous as her husband drove them home.

'I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers were. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.'

'Relax honey,' her husband, Roger, reassured her. 'It will all be OK.'

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.

'Where are you going?' Jane asked.

'I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.'

After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin.

'Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer.'

'What is it?' she cried excitedly.

'OK, the question is, "What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?"

And the answer is, "The head, the heart and the penis."'

The couple went to sleep with Jane now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3.30 am, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.

'The head, the heart, the penis,' Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.

Roger asked her again in the morning as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again she replied correctly.

So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies.

The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous day's events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

'Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds.'

'Hmmm, uhm, the head? She said nervously.

'Very good. Six seconds.'

'Eh, uh, the heart?

'Very good. Four seconds.'

'I, uhh, ooooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning... '

'That's close enough,' said the game show host, 'Congratulations!'

I've had my pump for almost 5 years, best thing I
ever did. No side effects, less medication, and
extremely good results. I just had my pump replaced due to
the battery, now that onlt needs to be done between
6-8 years. Even then it was done as outpatient
surgury under local anesthesia. I have had great results.
Your welcome to e-mail me with any ??s, I, however, am
a complete injury without pain. You can always do
the trial, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
<br

Heeeeeeee y it's Friday!!!!!

[LINK] [LINK] [LINK] [LINK]

Put your hands in da air and wave 'em like you just don't care cause it's....

[LINK] [LINK] [LINK]

[LINK] [LINK]

[LINK] [LINK] [LINK]

It's Friday BABY!!!!!

WHOO-HOO!

IT'S FRIDAY - SO SHAKE THAT BOOTIE !!!

[LINK]

Have a fantastic weekend!!!!

Groups that I own: [INLINE]

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand, and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches.
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssombody stole my car," the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss at the end of thiss key" the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weeney is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out .
SON OF A BITCH THEY GOT MY GIRLFRIEND, TOO

Hi Sharon,<br
in here. :)

He is completely out of control with his jokes. That's all this group
has turned into. It should be called Spinal Cord Injury jokes. New
Mobility Magazine has a discussion group where many different topics
are discussed. If you want an interesting and informative group, I
suggest you try that one. This has deteriorated into a very childish
and immature group - yes "by the arrogance of a few people." I doubt
if new people who join will stay here.

Hi Nancy,<br
care-Noreen

Hi,<br
from pump users please.<br

I GOT THIS FROM THE BRIAN, AKA "THE BLUE MEANIE" OF WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT ON TUESDAY AFTERNOON. CLICK HERE AND GET YOUR OWN PORN NAME: http://biphome.spray.se/pash/pornalizer/

BY THE WAY MINE IS STEVIE STIFF!!!

LOL

SCOTT

Rachel,<br
injury.<br

A couple went golfing one day at a very, very exclusive course lined with million-dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, 'Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows it'll cost us a fortune to repair.'

Of course, she teed off and promptly shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed. 'I warned you to watch out. Now we'll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost.'

They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch said, 'Are you the people that broke the window?'

'Uh yeah, we're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'0H!, no apology is necessary.

Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

'Now that you've released me I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem, it's the least I can do. And you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie said looking at the wife.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said.

'And what's your wish, genie?' they asked in unison.

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'Considering all that, I guess I wouldn't mind.'

The genie took the woman upstairs and ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both had been satisfied repeatedly, and as the genie rolled over he looked at the wife and asked, 'How old is your husband?'

'He's 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'No shit! Thirty-five years old and that idiot still believes in genies?'

I am back. Had the surgery done on the 18th and
came home this afternoon. There was no cancer found in
the lymph nodes so I am very lucky to have caught it
early. I have exercises to do to get back full range of
motion in my arms but that will take time. So far I am
doing really good. I still have 3 drains in and
hopefully they will get removed next Thursday. <br
everyone for the prayers that you have said for me but
just because the surgery is over don't stop. I can
always use prayers.<br
and making the post. I was thinking about all my
friends here the whole time I was in the hospital. This
club grows on ya! LOL<br
back in almost full force. LOL <br

Hi I just joined and looking for other SCI moms to chat with.

This is a cute one
Note: forwarded message attached.

Visited with Nancy just now and she said she was
doing fine. Hasn't gotten the report yet but has ate so
food. That's a good sign she is well on the way to
recovering. Says Hello to all the gang. Dorla

One day a little boy walked in on his mother in the shower. The boy pointed to his mother's pussy and said "Whats that mommy?".

The mother not wanting to explain the facts of life to the boy said "thats my sponge" the boy satisfied with the answer went out.

A few days later the boy again walked in on his mother in the shower. The night before the mother had shaved completely.

The boy noticing the difference asked the mother "where is your sponge?".

The mother said she lost it and the boy satisfied went outside again..

All of a sudden the boy ran back in. "Mommy, mommy I found your sponge! I was looking in Mrs.Jones back window and I saw Mrs Jones washing daddy's face with it!"

Hi,<br
all day. It wasn't to busy Friday when I got there
around 2pm but it was mobbed Saturday my wife said she
felt like a minority being a upright there were so
many wheelers there. We had a good time. We met a lot
of people some of which I've spoken to on the phone
when ordering supplies. We checked out new cvans a
dreamed about them but they are expensive but than again
so are new cars. We worked the canine companions
booth most of the day saturday it was very busy. Best
of luck in your pursuit in receiving a companion
dog. Viking has really changed our life and we have
met so many good people through canine companions.
Sorry we missed you if yoy have any questions about
Canine Companions for independece or service dogs give
me a yell. Remo

A girl goes to a doctor for a check-up. It's a routine exam, therefore, she takes off her shirt. When her shirt is off, the doctor sees a large "P" on her chest. The doctor says, "What the hell happened to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacket during sex. The check-up is done and the girl leaves.
The Next day, another girl goes tot he doctor for a checkup, she takes off her shirt and on her chest, is the letter "L". Yet again the doctor says, "What the hell happened to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacket when we fuck. The check-up is done and the girl leaves.
On the third day, a third girl walks in for her exam, she removes her shirt and there is a large letter "W" on her chest.
The doctor says, "Lemme guess... , your boyfriend goes to Wisconsin...right?"
The girl replies, "No doctor, but I just had sex with my girlfriend from Michigan."

Is your pic a jpg. file. That might be you
problem. If its not convert it to a jpg. and try again. I
don't know what games you are talking about in San
Antonio but I live 100 miles from there. It is a
beautiful city. Full of lots of wonderful places to see.
Check out the Chamber of Commerce web site at
<a href=http://www.sachamber.org/.
target=new
beautiful place to
visit.<br
dress for hot weather though. The summers get really
hot here in south Texas. LOL<br

So you think you're
computer-illiterate?

[INLINE]

Compaq is considering changing the command

"Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key"

because of the flood of calls

asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller

complaining that her mouse was hard to control

with the dust cover on.

The cover turned out to be the plastic bag

the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call

from a man complaining that the system

wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets

and heat failed to diagnose the problem,

it was found that the customer labeled

the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter

to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked

to send a copy of her defective diskettes.

A few days later a letter arrived

from the customer along with

Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer

to put his troubled floppy

back in the drive and close the door.

The customer asked the tech to hold on,

and was heard putting the phone down,

getting up and crossing the room

to close the door to his room.

[INLINE]

Another Dell customer called to say

he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.

After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting,

the technician discovered the man

was trying to fax a piece of paper

by holding it in front of the monitor screen

and hitting the "send" key.

Another Dell customer needed

help setting up a new program,

so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead.

"Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,

"the customer replied.

When told Egghead was a software store,

the man said,

"Oh, I thought you meant for me to find

a couple of geeks."

[INLINE]

Yet another Dell customer called

to complain that his keyboard no longer worked.

He had cleaned it by filling up his tub

with soap and water and soaking

the keyboard for a day,

then removing all the keys

and washing them individually.

A Dell technician received a call

from a customer who was enraged

because his computer had told him he was

"bad and an invalid".

The tech explained that the computer's

"bad command" and "invalid" responses

shouldn't be taken personally.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support

couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on.

After ensuring the computer was plugged in,

the technician asked her what happened

when she pushed the power button.

Her response,

"I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal

and nothing happens."

The "foot pedal"

turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Groups that I own: [INLINE]

One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating in the brush.

"What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring intently at the scene before them.

"They, um, they're making a puppy" said the boy's father, as he grabbed his coat and moved him along quickly.

A few nights later, the little boy woke up and got up from his bed to go to the bathroom. As he walked by his parents' room, he heard strange noises coming from within.

He opened the door and was surprised to see his father on top of his mother, moving in a strange way. His father looked up and saw his son - instantly, both mother and father froze. As the boy's mother grabbed for the sheets to cover herself up, the father got up and hustled his son out of the bedroom.

"What were you doing to Mom, Dad?" asked the little boy, who still wasn't sure what he saw.

"Your mother and I were, well, we were, ah, trying to make a baby - you know, maybe a brother or sister for you" said the boy's father, now confident that this would satisfy his son's curiosity.

"Oh" said the little boy, thinking hard for a minute. "Y'know Dad, when you go back to bed with mom, turn her over, please - I'd rather have a puppy".

Wow, am I feeling loved! My name is Rachel, I'm
24, T10, 2 yr post. I'm a part time student, single,
and my hobbies include cooking, swimming, and music.
I'm taking electric guitar lessons 2 mo now, so I
still suck, but I'm having fun with it. Can't wait to
meet you guys!

Hi you all.<br
put a pic of me in the Photo section but can not down
load from my disk. Any one out there can help
me?<br
Antonio in Juy this year? Like to here from you if so.
What is San Antonio like. Any members of this club
from there.<br

HOLY CRAP!!!

Just thought I should give a brief intro here.
I'm Linda, 25 years old and I have been a quad for 12
years now. I am interested in talking with other high
level quads and quad women about life with an SCI.

In a message dated 21/07/2005 17:19:22 GMT Standard Time, ginats@... writes:

All of you who sent me your condolences to pass on to my best friend
about her son who was killed in Iraq last week, I want to thank you all
so much. His Mother has asked that I print the emails out so she can
read them. She couldn't believe the response I have gotten and I again
thank you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. If you are able
to, for her benefit send me an ecard to give to her. His body still has
not arrive here but we are hoping it will be in the next day or two,
then they have to go thru the funeral, so it is still far from
over.Thank all of you again.
Gina

Hi Gina,

Just wanted to see how your friends family are doing now? I know the grieving process takes a lot of time, but I hope they are doing well all things considered. How are you doing with it all?

Love Smurf xxx

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result.

On his way home hes stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you dont mind me asking, but how old do you think I am ?"

"About 35", was the reply. "Im actually 47", the man says happily.

A little while later he goes to McDonalds for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Id guess youre 29?"

"Nope, I am actually 47". Hes starting to feel really good about himself.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question, She replies "I am 85 years old and my eyesignt is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes, I will be able to tell your exact age."

As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later the old lady saus, "OK, its done. You are 47."

Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."

In a message dated 20/07/2005 16:15:16 GMT Standard Time, martha.skala@... writes:

Hi All,
I am a 56 yr old female who has been a T-6 Para for 17 yr due to seat
belt damage in an auto accident.
I have been trying to find a good exercise video/dvd that will give me
a good cardio workout. Everything I've found at this point is simple
stretching or strenghtening exercises. I'd like something to get my
blood pumping and to burn calories. I do wheel around but it bulks me
up because of the residents involved.
I did come across one called "seat aerobics" that advertised to be what
I was looking for but I can't find it available anywhere.
Can anyone suggest something that would do the trick for me?
Thanks,
Martha in Central FL

Hi Martha,

How are you? Are you settling into the group well? I'm Sarah (aka Smurf) and I'm 21 from the UK. I became a para after a road accident three years ago. I also have a nervous system condition called RSD (reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome) which I've had since I was 14.

Was you able to find a suitable fitness video/dvd at all? if you have can you let me know what it's like please as I really wanna burn some calories of!!

Take care,

Love Smurf xxx

Would like to hear more about you so we can get
to know you better. What is your interest in SCI?
Also welcome to our chat every evening. Feel free to
drop in anytime. There is ususally someone in there.
The home page doesn't always show that someone is in
there when there is so even if it shows "none" drop in
and check it out. Dorla

I would like to go to the Expo. I live in the eastern part of Pennslyvania. Do
you have any info, such as times & directions? Thanks for your help.<br

Welcome to our club Christawheels....We chat every night so come and join us. We
are a very most helpful bunch and love meeting new people. Dorla

Anyone else?

OK like I go to work late... and sleep in late... but this morning thanks
to someone on this group. While I was drinking my first cup of coffee, I
watched the beginning of THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN. Thanks for the
reminder that it was going to be on... whoever you were:) WILL

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is doing fine it's
been a while since I have posted, but I have checked
in often. Welcome to all the new members. My wife
and I are planning on attending the Abilities Expo in
Edison NJ this weekend and I was wondering if anyone has
ever been to one either in Edison or anywhere across
the country. These expos are advertised in new
mobility every year. If you have attened one please let me
know what you thought. If you are attending the Edison
one this weekend I'll be in the Canine Companions for
Independence booth with my service Dog Viking saturday morning
stop by and say hi. If anyone wants me to check on
anything while I'm there let me know by Thursday I'll do
my best to find out what I can. I'll post anything
interesting that I find there when I get back. <br
take care<br

If you want to try a very adult QUAD group with no jokes - just some ver intelligent and knowledgeable people, try http://www.makoa.org/quadlist.htm
I'm done here as well.
dave

In a message dated 8/1/2005 11:59:06 A.M. US Mountain Standard Time, delicate_rosebud@... writes:

Scott,
I thought after all the hoopla and arguing, you had agreed to only one
joke a day. So much for that promise. I counted at least four on
Friday alone. I used to love this site and the great support/info I'd
get from people. But unfortunately it looks like the true meaning of
this group has been burried deep beneath the arogance of a few
people. Too bad. There's power in numbers and this CRAP is chasing a
lot of people away. So I guess it's goodbye for me too.
liz

I have an allegro chair. It is falling apart after 3 years.

Hi all,<br
through allegro and if so, how did you find their service. Thanks

i know who steve is, he works for a medical supply
supplies, ask a group member where to get them, thats
why we are here, dont rely on sales reps who invade
our groups just to make a buck!!!!

I just wanted to welcome everyone...There have
been so many new people I wanted to re-introduce
myself because I have been kinda slack in posting
lately. I am a t-7,8 para,accidental gunshot, 5+ years, I
live alone and have a baclofen pump. I am getting it
replaced on Thursday due to the battery after 4 1/2
years...I raise boxers (currently have three), am restoring
a very LARGE 140 year old farm house and am a
full-time student. This site it's really comforting...you
can feel free to ask just about anything because we
all have had it, dealt with it or been wondering the
same thing. <br
try to get to a chat real soon.<br
heard from Cindiers lately, I tried sending an
e-mail...no response?<br

Scott,
I thought after all the hoopla and arguing, you had agreed to only one
joke a day. So much for that promise. I counted at least four on
Friday alone. I used to love this site and the great support/info I'd
get from people. But unfortunately it looks like the true meaning of
this group has been burried deep beneath the arogance of a few
people. Too bad. There's power in numbers and this CRAP is chasing a
lot of people away. So I guess it's goodbye for me too.
liz

A Californian, Coloradoan, and a Texan go Camping

A Coloradoan, a Californian and a Texan were out camping. They were lazing around a campfire when the Texan pulled out a bottle of tequila and after taking a couple of swallows, threw the bottle up in the air, pulled out his six shooter and neatly shot the bottle.

The Californian noted that there was still some tequila left in the bottle, but the Texan replied, "That's okay, we have plenty of tequila where I come from."

The Californian promptly brought out his bottle of Cabernet, took two swallows, threw it up in the air and shot it with a 9mm semiautomatic Glock pistol with a 15-shot clip, stating: "We have plenty of this where I come from."

The Coloradoan took all this in and finally opened a bottle of beer. He downed half the bottle, threw it up in the air, shot the Californian with a 12-gauge shotgun and deftly caught the bottle without spilling a drop.

The Texan's jaw dropped nearly to his silver buckle and his eyes widened nearly as wide as the buckle. The Coloradoan, momentarily puzzled at the reaction, finally piped up: "It's okay, we have plenty of Californians where I come from, but this is my last Coors!"

Groups that I own: [INLINE]

Nice visiting with you last night. We chat every night and the more the merrier.
Dorla

I wanted to share this it made me cry throughout the whole thing. Definitely grab box of tissues. I also included some graphics for 9/11 and London.

Heather [INLINE]

http://www.flashplayer.com/animation/imissyoudaddy_movie.php

[LINK]

heathersci@... has invited you to join the Recipe_Xchange group!

This is a group where we exchange recipes or even complete meals! Anything from hot dogs to Peking duck! We also share other things such as what wine/beverage goes with what food. If you are looking for a particular recipe feel free to ask.

Hello everybody! If you use intermittent catheters please contact me
for a free info pack and free samples. This system is designed for
people who have had problems with urinary tract infections. I have
contracts with all major manufacturers, Mentor, Rusch,Bard,
Coloplast, Kendall, etc. Transient flora is the main cause of
infections, so learn how to prevent this transfer of bacteria.
Washing your hands is not as affective as believed. It does help but
to make sure you are protected as much as possible, try the sterile
procedure. If you are interested, please reply with a name, physical
mailing address, contact number(not requiered), size of catheters
you use(specify if it is for you or someone else-male or female),
and if you have medicare(special requirments) or a private insurance
carrier. I will send out the info as soon as I recieve the request.
Thank you.

Hope you come to visit often and join us in a chat. We are there every night
around eight or nine. Dorla

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.

As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.

He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again.

Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.

He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.

As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.

He's stark naked and has an erection.

The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says, 'oh no, not the breathalyzer again

Thanks for the idea....lol Dorla

Hello!

Get a quick glance of Healthcare News and Resources here http://www.allinonedirectory.info/HealthUpdate/
Take care,
Kate

"Love is just like life, it's not always easy and does not always bring happiness but when we do not stop living why should we stop loving"

Hello and Welcome......Hope you enjoy your visit.
Can you tell us something about yourself. Your
profile doesn't give us much insight into who you are and
what your interest is in SCI. Are you injured or are
you an friend to somone who is?<br
you soon. Dorla

Surfed your site a while back and rechecked it today. A real nice site. Thanks
for posting the update. Dorla

THIS IS CHEESY BUT I AM FORWARDING IT ANYWAY

S.

Hi all,<br
stop by and take a look.<br
href=http://steve-clark-sci.members.beeb.net/spinal-column/index.html
target=new

just wondering if anybody watched cspan last night about stem cell research. very long and interesting. i think there is a link at www.cspan.com

Hi,<br

Hello,

I came across this website yesterday (AbbyLifts.com) that specialize in lifts. Give it a shot and check it out, you might just find what your looking for. Take care and let me know if you had any luck. I hope this helps you.

Bye,

AJD...

Rae Murray <trinitee_won@...

hi folks, I'm trying to find assistance with a stairlift or elevator for my home so I can reach my apartment. I'm a C5 C6 and I have checked everywhere does anyone have any ideas? Or resources?

Rae [INLINE]

Not sure how your time matches with ours. We chat every night and I will watch
for you during the day just in case your time is opposite of ours. Nice
pictures of you. Make yourself at home. Dorla

hi folks, I'm trying to find assistance with a stairlift or elevator for my home so I can reach my apartment. I'm a C5 C6 and I have checked everywhere does anyone have any ideas? Or resources?

Rae [INLINE]

Always enjoy the home web sites. It is especially

Hi Guys,<br
stopped by Wed. to chat, but no sooner than I got on, I
remembered I'd left a homework assignment at a friend's
house. It was due in the morning, so I had to haul %#*.
Still, I had a great time. It was my first chat EVER,
not just for this board. Everyone was so friendly. If
you have the time, I definitely reccomend it.

Top 10 things to do to telemarketers!

[INLINE]

10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the h-l she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends ....would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Say good bye - and Hang up.

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

1. And first and foremost: Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

This is too funny to not send it on!

Heather Powell

Groups that I own:

With the danger of being wrong and getting told
so I still decided to add my two cents worth. I am
tired of seeing him on the tv and all the mess with it.
They certainly are exploiting him..No matter where I
live and under what gov. rule..If my kid was being
held away from me I would be livid. I still don't see
what right we have to hold a child away from his
parent..If the parent is unfit I feel it is the country he
lives in to take steps to rectify it. Aren't most
illegal aliens returned to their country and isn't he an
illegal alien. How did this mess get started anyway. Why
wasn't he placed in custody and immediately returned to
his parent. I don't know all of it either. Seems like
there must be more behind this than they are telling.
Political I'm sure. Dorla

AOL News - Frist Backs Funding of Stem Cell Study

What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common?

They both cost about $100.

They both last about 30 seconds.

And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you're a dead man.

Hello. United People With Disabilities has recently added 10 new
videos to our web site. Come and watch for free. Nothing to pay for,
nothing to join. All of our videos deal with disability subjects and
situations. Go to... http://upwd.net and click on UPWD TELEVISION.
If you, or someone you know, has a video that we can show, please
contact us.
Thanks,
Diane
UPWD

Hi Dorla,my friend got home this week from what i
have heard,guess he is doing well.Had a lot of facial
surgery i was told.I haven't got down to see visit
yet.Not even for sure he wants visitors so kind of
waiting.Thanks for asking.<br
posting and reading messages.Plus i'm not real comfy
posting with all the new members and some of there
descriptions on there profiles.Till JamJam does something i
think the club will wither away.It is already showing
signs of less posting and i don't think it is all

Glad to hear from you tevagirl, I post a lot for
no peticular reason , just to vent about everthing
sometimes ..lol<br
to me these days. I guess because I live in South
Fl. There are times that I think politicans will do
anything to further their agenda. However , that is all
part of living in America. I guess I just have to keep
track of what politican does what and
why.<br

THIS PERSON SPARKPUPPY03@... HAS BEEN SENDING INSTANT MESSAGES TO SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND MYSELF. THIS JACKASS KNOWS ONE OF YOU BECAUSE THIS PERSON SENT OUT THE SAME JOKE AS I DID 2 WEEKS AGO AND PUT ALL OF MY ADDRESSES IN THERE AND THIS PERSON SENT IT. AOL HAS BEEN CONTACTED AND TOLD ME THAT IT IS A PERSON THAT IS FROM THE PARKLAND AREA, AGE 15, AND HER NAME IS LAUREN. NOW I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS IS BUT I AM VERY PISSED OFF!!! IF ANYONE KNOWS WHO THIS IS, OR HAS CONTACTED THIS PERSON, BESIDES THE 1 PERSON I KNOW OF, PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK.

THANKS A LOT,

SCOTT

WEEZ BAG

I just couldn't resist.. Have to post so we hit the 3000 mark. Guess I'm a
competative nut!!Dorla

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_iEEmzx0zc

This movie is also available on DVD, and I have to say that it is the most
realistic movie I have seen concerning this subject. My neck started
hurting just looking at the Xrays they showed of this young woman. It was
directed... or produced??? by the late Chris Reeves. And I am thinking of
bringing home the DVD again to watch it.
Ok I am a Jill Kinmont, now Jill Kinmont Boothe, fan. And although I
thought the book about Jill that this movie was based was better, I
thought this movie was a bit too weepy, It does capture the time of the
1950s well. And tells a inspiring story of Jill from her rehab back after
her fall at Alta Snow Cup, to gaining enterance and receiving her teaching
certificate. I like THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN-PART TWO too... And
wish they would make a Part Three sometime about Jill's life to her now
retirement from a career of teaching

Here are some TV programs that you may want to watch....

One Step Beyond
A woman walks again due to Stem cell surgery (2005)
on the Discovery Channel at 8:00 p.m tonight. July 27th.

The Brooke Ellison Story
on A&E at 11:00 a.m on July 30th

The Other Side of the Mountain.
Also based on a true story. Staring Marilyn Hasset, Beau Bridges, and Belinda Montgomery: Friends and family support skier Jill Kinmount, paralyzed by a fall before the 1956 Olympics.
on AMC at 11:45 a.m on August 1st.

A man finds himself stranded in the blistering heat of the desert. Just
when all seems lost, he looks up and sees another man carrying a auto car
door walking towards him. "HELP...!" the man cries, but the man with the
car door looks at him blankly. "HELP ME..." the man cries again, but again
the man with the car door looks at him puzzled. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
MAN..." the man gasps... "I AM DYING OF HEAT OUT HERE... I NEED YOUR HELP"
The man carrying the car door stops and rolls down the car door's window
and replies... "I'm sorry what were you saying... I have on the
airconditioning"

Is the meeting still on for August? Haven't heard much lately and forgot all
the particulairs..Dorla

Did he get the job?

Glad someone was able to help. That's a good
thing about this club. Always seems someone has had the
same problem and can help you out with it. I am puter
dumb so I need a lot of help..lol ..There has been a
chat every night so drop in anytime. Dorla

Ohio Farmboy let us know how your friend in the accident turned out..Dorla

Three men answered and ad for CIA agents. The ad stated
the men were to bring their wives.
The first man was called in for the interview. The Agent
in charge handed him a gun, then said, "We must have
absolute loyalty in this service. Take your wife in the
next room and shoot her."
The man looked shocked. He thought and said "I'm afraid I
can't do that. I just got married 2 weeks ago and I still
love my wife." He left.
The second man came in and the agent gave him the same
pitch. The man, almost in tears said, "Oh no. I can't do
that to her, she's about to have a baby." So he left.
The third man entered and was given the pitch. So he took
the gun and his wife into the next room. Soon "bam bam
bam bam bam!" Then there was noise of furniture being
broken, woman's screams, then nothing. The man comes
back out.
The agents asked, "What went on in there??!!"
The man said: "Some idiot put blanks in the gun
so I strangled her!"

Heather Powell

Groups that I own:

Hi guys! I haven't run into any big problems lately so I never needed to post.
Still, I enjoy reading. I'm also very glad spring is here. Wheeling in snow
SUCKS! Best to you all.

Hi Olivia,<br

Hi all, sorry I didn't make chat but we have
started our thunderstorm season. Will be ify when I can
make it. Sounds like there was a lot of trouble with
it. <br
remedies for a yeast infection? I know what to do if I get
one but how do you fix it if a guy gets one?? Chuck
seems to get them when he takes antibiotics and he has
had a UTI. I have tried some of the stuff we women
use but this time it is being stubborn. Was thinking
maybe you guys had some advice. <br
new members. Hope to get in here a bit more. Still
have a vacation to take so will be gone for a while in
about two weeks. But after that I hope to get back in
here a bit more regular. <br
you here for a while. Hope everything is ok. And is
there any more word on or get together this august? Let
me know so I can figure things out.<br
all and stay well<br

Thanks Dave for your words. I guess we're all still in shock about this.
It is very helpful to hear your calm. Thanks again.
Scott

I have been keeping up with all that's been going on but as you can
imagine I have been quite busy with my friend and her family regarding
her son being killed July 14th in Iraq. Sometimes in our life a spinal
cord injury or other disability just seems unimportant. This has been
one of those times in my life. His body is to arrive today and the
funeral will be Thursday. Just as they begin to adjust to the shoch it
starts all over again. Send Prayers and I love all ya'll!
P.S. His name id posted on www.fallenheros.com (Cpl. Clifton Blake
Mounce) and messages can be posted to the family. Please check it out.
BTW I think stem cell research holds great promise not just for us but
for other illnesses and diseases too such as Parkinson's and
Alzheimer's, etc. Only time will tell. I been waiting 28 years so there
ya go. My sci doc told me when I first found out I was paralyzed do not
sit around waiting on a cure to happen, go live your life and live it
good, then if a cure happens you will not have missed out on anything.
Good Advice!!
Gina

Thanks for the Welcome Ray, I hope to learn more and meet others also. I am AB
also and my interest is because of a SCI friend also. I am a secretary for a
school. Sis

Howdy, Sis, and welcome to the club.. I love
being a member here and I'm sure you will too. I have
learned so much and met so many really classy people. I'm
AB with an interest because of a friend who is
sci... what's your background?<br

Wow I was amazed and excited seeing so many of
you guyz in chat tonight!<br
had a lot of fun and hope we all do it more
often.<br
and she thought it was amazing that we can do this
voice chat thing with people all over the
world....<br
sometimes but she actually made me think about it and "Yeah
it is really neat"..guess it shows how easy things
are taken for granted.<br
everyone...for a fun evening :)<br
hehe I don't care

Stack overflow is a Windows memory error. Reboot your PC and it should go away.

Hi, this is Cynthia. I finally remembered to go
to the chatroom tonight. I left to try to get
"voice" chat and got it all together. (or thought I did).
Tried to go back to the chatroom and I got a window
that said something about "stacked overflow", and I
got booted off. This happened 4 times. What am I
doing wrong? Hmmm?<br
by not returning to the chat. Sorry. But, the short
time I was there, everybody was very nice and I will
be back again. Thanks! <br

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been around for a
while. Things around here have gotten pretty hectic.
Taylor is teething and and crawling aroung and getting
into everything. Plus my father-in-law has been on the
computer, every waking minute. I hope you all aren't too
upset with me. Thanks, Olivia.

On lifetime channel 29 is a movie about a guy who jumps off of a pier and gets paralyzed. It started at eight Central Time.

Heather Powell

Groups that I own:

Hi firesyne,<br
chat that much but it is fun when I get there.

Just curious but why is the chatroom not very
popular here? <br
night and theres usually only 1 or 2 others there but I
think it's really nice..<br
and the people are friendly and easy to talk
to.....like cookie and kerena and the others.<br
you guyz like ta get ta know eachother? Maybe we
should have some schedualed (hehe louzy spelling) chats
huh?<br
juzt interested to know......<br
like chatting.....do you not go in cuz it'z empty or
only 1 person iz there and it would feel akward to you
or do ya just need ta have specific topics, like a
schedualed chat? <br
i jus shut up? hehe

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,"What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...."

Traffic Ticket $95.00

Court Costs $45.00

The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

Sorry so late in acknowledging your reply to my door problem. I need all the
advice I can get for I am awkard to say the least. lol...Dorla

Scott,
I am no doctor but I understand that swelling is a very major secondary cause of big problems. I'm sure your friends' doctors are very capable and knowledgeable about everything necessary to provide the very best chances of the most complete recovery possible. You have a very important job as well. Your steady companionship will be the biggest help there is. -You don't have to sit by him for hours on end every day but regular visits are very important. Your friend will not have a clue as to what his future will be and neither do his doctors. A very positive attitude and const